How do I prepare an older child for a new baby?

Be honest about the boring and annoying parts as well as the exciting ones, give them a real job rather than a symbolic one, and say explicitly that being irritated by the baby is allowed. Children who are told this in advance cope markedly better than those told only how lovely it will be.

Why has my older child regressed since the baby arrived?

Regression in sleep, toileting or speech is very common and is usually a request for reassurance rather than a loss of skill. It generally passes fastest when met with attention rather than correction.

Should the baby "give" the older child a present?

Many families do it and it works well, particularly in the first days when visitors are focused on the newborn. The larger effect comes from sustained one-to-one time in the following weeks, once the visitors have gone.

New Sibling Letter for a Big Brother or Sister

The story

There has always been a star over the house. When a new child arrives a second one is lit beside it, and the two are joined by a thread of light so fine you would have to know to look for it. The first star is very clear on the point that it has lost no brightness whatsoever, and rather insists on saying so.

Where it actually comes from

This one is ours. There is no old folklore about a sibling star — what exists instead is a well-established modern practice of marking the arrival of a new baby with something for the older child: a gift "from the baby", a job of their own in the household, a special outing in the first week. The reasoning behind it is sound and widely recommended by health visitors and family services, and this letter is a version of the same idea in a form that can be kept and re-read when the novelty has worn off and the reality has set in.

What it does for a child

Regression after a new sibling — in sleep, toileting, speech, clinginess — is extremely common and is usually a bid for reassurance rather than a setback. What consistently helps is naming the difficult feelings out loud instead of requiring the older child to perform delight. A child who is told in advance that they are allowed to find the baby annoying is far less likely to conclude that their resentment makes them bad, and far more likely to say how they feel rather than act it out. The explicit reassurance that nothing has been subtracted from them addresses the fear underneath almost all of it.